Information Overload

I don't know why I feel like this. It's a sort of fear of living and all, a fear of moving. It's like all I want to do is to lie there on the grass (no pun on anything) and just look at the vanilla sky, in a sort of make-believe fantasy where I can rest forever. Suddenly, there it goes again - that feeling of being in another crossroad, wondering about that other bend you passed, the road less travelled.

Perhaps, it was a sort of an information overload. Or interest overload. I recently spent a lot of time with my brother, after so many months of being not-there with us. His interest is music. It is his life. He teaches music, piano and guitar. His wife who is always with him does the same thing. And they are both in a band. When you talk to them, it's all music, I tell you. It's that unpronouncable band who is a trio and hails from Newark whatever. And an upcoming reunion of this band from the 60s, who's about three thousand years old and all. On my part, I don't even remember the names of the songs we cover back then. I don't even remember the lyrics of my own songs, for God's sake. But those kind of talks somehow lure me back to where I was before. The done-that-but-never-made-it kind of thing.

Then, the internet. It is so powerful. You won't realize it but it has gone over your system. Like the other day. I virtually stayed in front of the computer the whole day plus two hours of midnight and dawn, reading articles and opinions on almost everything - education, management, business, entertainment, music, mathematics, philosophy, physics. They make me feel like that frog who managed to escape the well where their whole frog clan has been staying for generations already. That feeling of awe and amazement to the great questions of life and every b***it in town and in your head.

This is what I realized about the experience. First, Dr. Habulan was right (this lady has a great effect on me, she is always in my reflections) - you cannot listen from everybody, you'll get crazy. You have to differentiate between fact and fiction, from (scientifically-designed) theory or supposition, from research or opinion. That way, you end up

1. not accepting everything written
2. not reading everything written
3. not attempting to disprove everything written

Further, I realize that again, vision and mission (personal ones) still makes you sane and effective. For one, you have to realize which ones are in line with what you really stand for. Whither are you going? If up, then do not go down. If right, then left you must not turn. If left, avoid the other way. If down, then proceed immediately.

Having been used perhaps to the dim light of the well of mediocrity, I am now blinded by too much immediate light. Perhaps, awe-stricken. Perhaps, overwhelmed. Perhaps they will discover tidbits of this kind later (when I eventually win the Pulitzer and all - plus all the Nobel prizes) and they will say - nah, he did not mean that; he was just horsing around.
But this is one thing I promise. I will not stay forever in this stage. Half-blinded, I may shut my eyes for a while - get some sleep. Later, I will probably wear shades - still fashionable these days. And when I am ready, when used to the light am I, I will make my light so bright. I will shine even brighter than a thousand supernovae. For the whole world to see.

For now, I got to eat ice cream.